I want to grow up once again

How do you get over people who you've grown up with? How do you accustom yourself to a lifestyle without the people who have been the essence of your lives for 5 (and in some cases, 7) whole years?

Sometimes, I wake up and get start to get ready for school. And then I realise that school is over. It's kind of drastic in my head. The end of an entire era. Now I have new friends. I like them, I really do, but they can't replace that gaping hole in my heart that came as a part of my friends leaving for different countries. Jesika is in MIT, Siddharth is in Alberta, Sasha is in Boston, Ayush is in Boston. It's like my heart's pieces are scattered all over the world and I just feel so incomplete.Sometimes I wish I could freeze time into that one frame, that I could be in those same corridors, running around; or that I could sit on those same chairs in the sixth floor social area and look at people do their thing; or that I could go to Mr Joshi's office and ask him to read my latest poem; or that I could sit in Mr Rojoa's class with Sasha and Sayli; or that I could sit in French class in the 9th grade with Jesika and Khushbu; or that I could sit with Ayush annoying me in Ms Delphine's class; or that I could play on the volleyball court with Akriti and Mr Bert and the rest of the team. I miss all of this. I miss every moment I spent there. I want to go back and do karaoke on Baga Beach; I want to go to the back to the rocky beach with Jesika, Jashan and Harsh and just climb that trail despite the scorpions; I want to sit and talk on the beach amidst the waves with Jesika and Sasha; I want to go dancing with everyone again; I want to eat Ferrero Rocher brownies with Pandu and Butta and Sasha and make Maggi at all conceivable hours for us; I want to go to Lila Cafe and have breakfast sausages and mango smoothies; I want  to drink endless beer and splash in the pool with beers in our hands; I want to be drunk and take care of drunk people again.

Sometimes, I feel like I've not utilised my time to the best. I could do so much more with my friends, tell them I love them so much, tell them that I would give everything to relive those 5 years.

I want to go back to those days. I really do.

I miss you guys. And I love all of you. Honestly.

Unleashing the un-creativity

I feel so un-creative when I don't blog. And I haven't blogged in ages. Not like I don't have things to blog about though. The SCEDA play, the magazine committee, Kaleidoscope (all over again! :D), exams, new friends, how much I miss school friends, college. Oh man. I'm just lazy. I'm facing this HUGE writer's block too. Cannot find it in myself to write anymore. I haven't written a good poem or story since forever. What's wrong with me? *sigh*

Forgetting you

I've written a poem after very long. Comments would be appreciated. :)

I look up to see the stars shine back

Upon me, and I wish,

That one day you would see

What you mean to me,

And how I’d been what you wanted me to be.

I let you mould me and look what you made me,

Something so ugly, to be destroyed

Into a million pieces,

So that it is never found again.

So here I am, fading away,

Slowly, so that you never see me,

Slipping away into the shadows of the night

Unable to face the ogre in me.

You were what made me become this monster

And you are the reason that I kill it today,

For you were never pleased with me

However hard I made you desire what had

Come to become of me.

A memory slowly slips away,

Suddenly I can’t remember your eyes,

Or how it felt to be in your arms

Or lay beside you in bed at night,

To be a part of you

And make you a part of me,

Perhaps you didn’t deserve the chance

To know what I could really be.

A new start

Sometimes, things end up being such a mess and sometimes things just seem fine, just the way they are. Recently, I've had this floating feeling of contentment, like everything's going right and to be honest, it is. I like being able to look in the mirror and smile at myself. Except for my vital stats, of course, I practically love everything about myself. And I'm working on those vital stats.
Today, while studying FC, I spaced out for a bit and started thinking of university. Up until now, I was laidback about my studies, I was content being a part of Mumbai University, but now, I'm not. I want to go to a good, proper university. I want to live on campus, I want a new life, not because I'm dissatisfied with my present one, but because I love change. I want to go to fun parties, I want to write term papers on my own, I want my own little part of a room and put up pictures of people I love there. I want to explore new places, make new friends, and yet, I won't forget my friends and people here.
So I'm going to apply for fall next year. I'm determined to make it and my parents are supporting me. What more do I need?

Kaleidoscope

This amazing event definitely deserves an entire blog post dedicated to it and so, here we go.
I just spent the most amazing week of my life- taking responsibilities I've never taken, walking roads I've never walked, singing songs I've never sung, making friends with people I never knew, getting shouted for my shortcomings, getting applauded for my work. When I left my previous school, I never believed that life could ever be as fun as DAIS, but this one week changed my perspective completely!
The amount of gusto and energy, the love for the festival, nurturing it like our own little child, I learned the power of teams.
Here's to the best ECs and workforce one could ever imagine having. I love you guys, each and every one of ya'll.
<3

I won't worry my life away (:

If you stand still at 5 pm in the midst of CST, a melange of assorted faces, colours and smells descends upon you like an avalanche, a little wonderful and a lot more intimidating. It's like one of those hindi films where you standstill in one place and the rest of the world is a blurry mess. And yet, you walk one step forward and you merge with the crowd and soon you are one of those faces, swept away by the masses, trying to fight out but finally you succumb, because simply, it's easy.
Everyone wants to be unique, I know I'm not the only one who wishes to be like that. But not fitting into a popular clique hurts, doesn't it? I want to stay in one place and lie down, under the stars and look for shapes in the clouds as they dance around the moon and stars. I want to stop and stare. I want to allow myself to be unique without hating myself for it.
And some day, when I know myself well enough, I will. And one day, I'll sing, "I won't worry my life away"

Life is a chaos till you stand still and look at the pieces fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle.
Till then, everything is a disjointed, fragmented distortion of what could be reality.
It's almost like looking at yourself in broken shards of glass - as pieces or as an individual.