So today were my first two exams, Math and French. Math was.. shitty. As usual. I don't even need to elaborate on that or tell you why it was shitty. Just the fact that it is Math automatically makes it shitty. And French..? Well French was great as usual, just might lose 3 marks though. Can't blame myself though, the print of the last text was so illegible :S, no one could read anything. And really, 5 minutes of extra time is no compensation for an entirely illegible text. My mum was extremely indignant about it, wanted to start a protest or something. Mothers, I tell you...
So now I have English unseen tomorrow which is probably why I have so much to waste at my disposal. I just printed out a few practice papers but I don't think I can actually get myself to solve them. I'm feeling really weak :S. I've been having recurring fever and shivering and chills. Apparently a sure sign of malaria. Which if it is, I'm fucking dead! I mean, right in the middle of my exams, if I'm going to be admitted to the hospital, what the fuck am I going to do about my exams? And if they postpone it, I'll probably be writing my exams during my birthday -_- So I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping it's something curable. I'm going to have a blood test tomorrow probably.. if the antibiotics course I am on atm doesn't lead to any changes.
This is insane. I hate being sick. Everything hurts :(. And to top it all, I got an injection. I hate injections :@! They're so painful :(! I sprained my foot while I was climbing down the stairs because my Math textbook is really heavy and I'm really weak. This seriously sucks.
I'm signing off now. And being compelled to sleep. Don't be surprised if my next entry is from the hospital -_-
Catch you later <3
Malaria? :O
Blog-timeee :)
It's 3 12 AM. And I'm wasting lots of time. Trying to avoid work.. Trying to avoid Math, more specifically. And really, you can't blame me! I think I've had enough and more of Math and I still have one more day of studying for Math. I really can't help but hate Math, all those variables and numbers and signs are just engineered to confuse me, I'm mighty sure of that :(!
I can't wait to get my ass out of this life-killer called the IB. I mean really, I would've been a real masochistic kid to have actually wanted to do the IB. But as Butta said in his letter to Mr Keegan, when we were not in the IB, it was such a flexible program. We had such a diverse range of seniors to look up to. Not every person wanted to do engineering or sciences. We had seniors who wanted to be happy in life, not these crazy clones, these pseudo-intellectuals who only want a 42-point average and 2400 SAT scores. Really, I find it so annoying when I ask the career counselling centre about the options available in India for Psychology and Mass Media students and they give me this vacant look that reads their mind.. And I read, "Why are you in this school if you want to do something unconventional and non-stereotypical? You're a lost case if you want to be anything but a doctor or an engineer." And then they shake their head all sympathetically which, frankly speaking, makes me want to punch their faces. I mean, really, how can your performance in a measly 6 subjects be a parameter for how successful you end up being? I don't think it can, not really, no. So the next time I'm looked at condescendingly for having broken stereotypes I'm really going ask them where all the engineers are today. Cause really, they're nowhere. The engineering market has saturated and yet, all the apparently smart people will fight tooth and nail and kill themselves over a simple degree. While I, on the other hand, will be enjoying my work some place in the Bahamas, writing novels, having a long vacation, being a PR head of department at some hugeass MNC.
So much for my little rant, I shall now stop.
Oh and by the way, no offence to all the engineers and aspiring-engineers. This is by no means an attack on your career option. This is an attack on all the people who are studying engineering only to receive the haloed engineering degree and be proclaimed as the world's smartest individuals. This is only my way of saying that people need to shift focus and look at a wider perspective, people need to realise that everything is not limited to one option. You always have a second option, the more risky one, and only the daring are willing to explore that option.
~
Exams, exams, EXAMS :O
So I'm pretty much hyperventilating at the moment. And you'd be wondering why I'm writing on my blog even though I have exams. If you're going to ask me why, fuck you. If you're not, continue reading :).
Forewarning: This post may make absolutely no sense whatsoever (as does every other post) :)
So yeah, I hate Math. No like really. I hate all this stupid differentiation.. And integrals. And maximum points and minimum points. You get the flow right? I've been doing Math all day and tbh, it's as productive as hitting my head against a wall cause really, I don't understand jack :S! I don't know what I'm going to do in my October exams. And yes, I KNOW, sitting here and typing away to glory isn't going to help much. So shut up.
Sorry if I may sound a wee bit violent and frustrated in the post. It really can't be helped. I'm going to fail in Math and it's all going to be a big boohooing and crying and squealing and shouting rage-war. And I'm going to lose, but of course. Because, I suck at Math. I suck ass at Math.
Okay enough about Math.
Today morning was funnn :). More fun than the extended essay which is supposed to be "funnn" :P. Yeah I know, that sentence wouldn't make much sense to anyone. But it did to me.. You know why? Cause I'm cool like that bitches ;D!
.jpg)
So I took this really funny picture of Jesika today. And she looks like she's going to murder somebody in labour. *teehee* she's going to kill me when she sees this ;D! But it's okay. Cause I'm a sadist bitch. And she knows I love her. :)
Okay I'm going now. I'm going to return to studying. My life's sad. :(
Cya.
Dandiya day :)
It's been Navratri, and it's dandiya time :)! Unfortunately, like every year in the past, I will miss all the dandiya celebrations et al. because I have these stupid stupid STUPID exams. But no, I'm not complaining.. I mean, I could've been writing my exams on my birthday, but fortunately I'm not ;D! But then again, unfortunately I'm getting my results during that time. Wow, what a way to celebrate my birthday. I hate these exams. They suck, like boo x(!
.jpg)
Today I took all these silly cute pictures in the bathroom, and but of course, I'm going to put the cutest one up here x). Haha, yes I know, we look retarded. But in case you didn't realise, that's precisely the point :). I love this entire bathroom picture taking business and then hurriedly trying to hide our phones as soon as we hear someone walk into the bathroom :P. And best was when all these stupid 8th graders came in and were sort of providing an unnecessarily background for our picture and Sasha goes [VERY loudly] "Yuck, I hate all these people who keep walking into our pictures! It's so annoying :@!" Hahahaha, those peoples' faces were worth watching xD!Another day in the life of an IB-shackled 17-year old
Today's been so useless. I swear, I could freeze in one frame and graduate throughout the entire day without feeling the need to move out of that frame! And I'm listening to Before the Lobotomy again. Damn, it's an addictive song <3. So I've practically spent all my day flirting with my cute little Abhishek :P. He's such a cutie nah! And he's pink :). And he's cute. And I love him. And he's cute. [Yes, I can see you blushing just about NOW. Cutieeee xD]
For once, Math tuition wasn't so bad today :O! I almost died when the sir walked out of my house without having shouted at me even a teensy weensy bit! I swear, I was like, waiting for the barage of shouting, insulting, something, ANYTHING. And he left the house without having given me his oh-so-famous gyaan-baba lecture. I almost bruised myself cause I pinched myself SO hard to see if it was all real :P. Yes, I know, it's a very filmy thing to pinch yourself to see if it's all real. But I still do it.
Tomorrow's my baby's exam so I haven't spoken much to him all day. And I miss him beaucoup :(! I like keeping our picture as my phone wallpaper, it makes me tres happy to look at his stupid face :). He's such a cutie nah. [But the BEST cutie is Abhishek ;D] Yes, that was only to make you blush cause I KNOW you're reading this :).
I'm listening to Down. And I love the song. It's so dhinchak nah :). Yes, I use words like dhinchak. Bite me. Or then again, don't. I'd rather only a certain someone bite me ;).
I'm feeling all glittery now. Like, I feel like twirling around and throwing confetti everywhere. I'm the fairy of sprinkles. Yes, rebellion against the IB might take the form of retardedness :).
Okay enough crap for now. Signing off.
Cya <33
Crazy Day x)
Today's been an exhaustively crazy day [post 1 PM, that is :P]. It was super awesome to go for Advitya today after unbelievably long period of time, and hell yeah I missed them, like WHOA. It was heart-wrenchingly adorable when Kirti wouldn't let go of my waist even after we'd hugged for about 5 minutes. And when Anish tried to grab my attention by tickling my calves and toes [xD]. I want to go back there so so so soon. But I can't go back soon, all because of these STUPID exams :@! But I promise to go there whenever I can, cause really, those kind of feelings and that kind of love is unparallelable. Even if you compare it to all the love you get from your boyfriend and your best friends and your family. This is just unconditional love, pure and unadulterated :).
But the cherry on the icing was the bus journey back to school from Santacruz. I swear I haven't laughed as much in a loooong time. Teaching Abhishek and boy Gala how to pout was darned PRICELESS. If I could do that again, I totally would.. again and again, and again. Just watching their faces as they contorted their face trying to perfect the straight-faced pout, the left pout and the right pout was priceless, UNBEATABLE I say :). And then the entire let-us-poke-Abhishek-for-5-seconds-so-he-can-giggle-adorably routine was amazing, amazing^infinite xD. I cannot, totally CANNOT wait to go back to Advitya, especially for the bus ride ;)! This little 11th grade junior is so cute nah [now's your cue to blush,Abhishek :P] I want to poke him! He's my teddy xD <3.
Okay that's all for now. Classes were normal, but fuck 'em :D!
Catch you later <3
Love;Kisses;Hearts<33
.jpg)
It's crazy right..? How you can fall in love with someone in such an impossibly short period of time. But it's happening now, I keep falling harder and harder but this time, it doesn't even hurt. It's the most beautiful sensation, it's what keeps me sane sometimes. He's like the most amazing guy. A perfect blend of being protective and letting me have my space. Best thing, he can make the worst days seem like the best. And it's all these cute things he does and says which just make me feel so loved and wanted. He doesn't treat me as a lesser mortal and attributes me with intelligence enough to discuss topics which aren't romantically connected. That's the kind of guy I need, who knows how to strike a perfect balance between babying me and letting me be independent. Needless to say, I've found the most perfect guy. And he's as much in love with me as I am with him. I've never believed much in planning the future with any one person because I know how those relationships took a turn for the worse. But I know a promising future when I see one. And hell yes, I see a promising future. Amazing thing is, I just cannot be sad for too long since I started to date him. It's like he's cast this spell on me that disallows me from being miserable for too long, and no, I'm not complaining, for from it.
I don't need to touch you, to know that you're real,
I don't need to hold you, to know that you're mine,
I don't need to kiss you, to feel the fiery passion,
Just knowing that you're there for me will suffice me for an eternity.
I love you baby :).
P.S.: Yes, I know, I look not-so-nice in this picture. But I don't have any others :(. I promise to take more though :).
Sick :(
I hate being sick. Not like I'm supposed to love it, but it's so fucked up nonetheless :S. Especially since I got exams in like.. a week? It'd be safe to say that I'm fucked, no really. I don't know jack in Biology, I didn't think it was important enough to pay attention in class. I think I was wrong. So now, I don't know what the fuck do those Goddamn veins and arteries do. I'd whine more about what I don't know in Biology, problem is.. I don't even know what I don't know :(!
My throat feels like someone's rubbed sandpaper all over it. Everything tastes crappy which just sucks cause I'm craving for a schezwan chicken cheese frankie and donuts. Yes, at 1 19 AM. Food doesn't need a time. I sound like a guy atm :(, my voice is all.. weird. And I also sound like an old woman according to the boyfriend. Boo.
I don't want to study. I don't want to research experiential marketing. I don't want to study about what some guy called Mayo [yum <3] decided to contribute to motivational theories. I don't want to know about stupid integrals and conditional probability. I don't want to learn about about logs and exponential equations. Honestly, does it look like I give two hoots about any of this?
The guy who started Math should be extracted from his grave and be shot through his genitals till he dies x(.
I don't want to go to school. I want to stay at home, wrapped in blankets, with a mug of filter coffee and a plate of buttered toast. I want to meet my boyfriend, I miss him like WHOA :(.
And beat this, I can't even meet him on our one month anniversary :O :(!
This sucks. Aaargh. I could kill someone just about right now.
Resisting the urge to blow up my school and the IB headquarters in Cambridge.
More later on, I've got to get back to experiential marketing. So much for rebeling.
Cya.
Before The Lobotomy <3
This song has managed to encapsulate every possible emotion in it's magical words. The music is soulful and beautiful. The lyrics are shattering yet I can't stop myself from hearing the song over and over again. Purely addictive like a shot of heroine in my veins <3
Dreaming
I was only dreaming
Of another place in time
Where my family's from.
Singing
I can hear them singing.
When the rain had washed away
All these scattered dreams
Dying
Everyone's reminded
Hearts are washed in misery
Drenched in gasoline
Laughter
There is no more laughter
Songs of yesterday
Now live in the underground
Life before the lobotomy
Christian sang the eulogy
Sign my love a lost memory
From the end of the century
Well, it's enough to make you sick
To cast a stone and throw a brick
When the sky is falling down
It burned your dreams into the ground
Christian's lesson's what he's been sold
We are normal and self-controlled
Remember to learn to forget
Whiskey shots and cheap cigarettes
Well I'm not stoned
I'm just fucked up
I got so high I can't stand up
I'm not cursed 'cause I've been blessed
I'm not in love 'cause I'm a mess
Like refugees
We're lost like refugees
Like refugees
We're lost like refugees
The brutality of reality
Is the freedom that keeps me from
Dreaming
I was only dreaming
Of another place in time
Where my family's from.
Singing
I can hear them singing.
When the rain had washed away
All these scattered dreams
Dying
Everyone's reminded
Hearts are washed in misery
Drenched in gasoline
Laughter
There is no more laughter
Songs of yesterday
Now live in the underground
Green Day <3
Some singers and bands make it big momentarily, their songs are heard today, forgotten tomorrow. You could take, for example, Flo Rida. I agree wholly and completely that their music is fun, catchy.. makes you high. But 4 months down the line I'm sure I'm going to go, "Right Round? Whoa, he sand something like that?". These songs.. They're not the soul-capturing, legendary music that pounds through your head through different situations, they're not songs you can relate to under normal circumstances, you and me.
But Green Day, like The Beatles, is a band that is bound to live on for years after it might stop singing. Their songs speak extensively of how they think, the emotions they feel, the emotions WE feel. It's beautiful, their music. Agreed that some of their music sounds the same but the lyrics mean something, they're capable of making the listeners cry.
Green Day is born to die a legend and I shall forever be their fan. <3 you, Green Day.
Elation ;D
Today, it feels like I'm on cloud nine and so I am, but with a very good reason. I'm finally done with one of the most annoying and ridiculous aspects of the IB... My extended essay.
Shitty day :S
So today's just been one of "those" days. Shitty like hell.
Idk why either.. I think it's just cause everything that has happened today hasn't really got me looking up to tomorrow. Every seems to be the same long drawn process..the same damn cycle. You just end up back at square one.
I miss my boyfriend right now. Immensely. I really wanted to talk to him about my day, he always seems to make everything seem better and happier and lighter. But now he's gone off to sleep. And all I wish is I was next to him, cuddled up next up to him, his arms around me..everything would seem infinitesimally better. But he's probably asleep by now, and I really hate to disturb him. It seems unfair that he should give up on his sleep cause I'm in a fucked up mood..which is why I'm not going to disturb him.
Even though he reassured me just about 20 minutes ago that everything will be okay, I can't help but ruminate about what he was telling me in the evening. And I really don't want him to get into shit cause of me :(! I mean, his mom is all possessive about him which is perfectly understandable because he's such a good son..he does all he can for her, and for his dad, and his grandparents. So it's perfectly understandable that they're scared that they'll lose him to me. But how do I convince them that I won't? I mean there's no parallel that can be drawn between familial ties and romantic liasons, can there? He said that his mum would eventually understand and that she was just possessive. But I really really want him to be happy and sure of what he's doing. Cause sometimes, when you're way deep into something, it's hard to choose. And life is always about choices. It's how you prioritise things that matters. And I'm pretty confident that he knows how to choose between the choices he might be given. But I just hope the choices we both have to make don't hurt the both of us.
I hate the IB just by the way. Unless you are a masochistic, emo freak, do NOT take the IB. I don't think I can handle all this pressure for another 9 months. I'm going to crumble like rubble under this pressure. I feel like crying. I feel like ripping my hair out. I feel like running away from all this. I can't handle trying to fit into the ideal that my parents have created for me. A 42-point averaging, extra-curricular obsessed, unsocial freak. I really can't become like that. The last time I wrote a good poem or any other piece of literature was eons ago! I was supposed to be the creative one..the one that weaved stories in her head, the one who wrote poems that elicited strong emotions from it's readers. I don't know where that version of me is gone, I seemed to have lost her. And I don't know where or how to find her. And I'm scared that if I lose that me, I'll be freaking devastated.
I thought a mid-life crisis occured at the age of 45. I'm fucking 16, turning 17 in a month. I'm suffering from one now. Being a teenager isn't as easy as it seems. Especially a teenager imprisoned by the IB and a set of overambitious parents.