I won't worry my life away (:

If you stand still at 5 pm in the midst of CST, a melange of assorted faces, colours and smells descends upon you like an avalanche, a little wonderful and a lot more intimidating. It's like one of those hindi films where you standstill in one place and the rest of the world is a blurry mess. And yet, you walk one step forward and you merge with the crowd and soon you are one of those faces, swept away by the masses, trying to fight out but finally you succumb, because simply, it's easy.
Everyone wants to be unique, I know I'm not the only one who wishes to be like that. But not fitting into a popular clique hurts, doesn't it? I want to stay in one place and lie down, under the stars and look for shapes in the clouds as they dance around the moon and stars. I want to stop and stare. I want to allow myself to be unique without hating myself for it.
And some day, when I know myself well enough, I will. And one day, I'll sing, "I won't worry my life away"

Life is a chaos till you stand still and look at the pieces fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle.
Till then, everything is a disjointed, fragmented distortion of what could be reality.
It's almost like looking at yourself in broken shards of glass - as pieces or as an individual.

Now that you're gone, all that is left is memories.

You've left. And I find it so hard to believe and accept. I don't know when I'll see you again or when we'll sleep over together again or when we'll go to Carter's and have yummy donuts and Gogola golas and shawarma again or when we'll obsessively take pictures on my laptop webcam again or when we'll dress and sing into hairbrushes again or when we'll stay up all night and make weird names for random people such as Anuwanupoochicoochie again or when we'll prance along the 5th floor corridor sing VIP underwear songs again or when we'll pass pointless notes to each other in French class again or when we'll coo over Rojoa again or when we'll bitch about incredibly ugly people in amazingly tiny clothes again or when we'll make strange codenames for people again or when we'll compulsively chew on blocks of ice again or when we'll get drunk (me) and dance in Goa's clubs again or when we'll get ourselves temporarily tattooed on the beaches of Goa again or when we'll eat crispy chicken with tartar sauce in the shacks again or when we'll laugh at stupid lolcats and FMLs again or when we'll sing "Time of your life" on karaoke again. I'm going to miss you Akanksha Aurora. I'm going to miss you and all the hundreds of memories we've had together. I promise to make a hundred new memories with you when you come back. I love you <3

With love to you, from me.

Sweeping gestures and flirty eyes

Just a guise to hide your lies,

Stolen kisses in the dusky night

Your touch lingers unto daylight,

Sweet nothings upon my impassioned ears

Sucking my soul and fuelling my fears,

I pray for you to stay with me

And through your unseeing eyes you see

What you’ve made of what we used to be

Revelling in the monstrosity of your every deed.

Like the slow drip of black onto a palette of white

Demolishing the innocence of that night,

Your body glimmered in the night, against mine

And each contour of your body was etched in my mind.

The magic was gone as you quickly retraced

My mind and body by you was defaced,

There was no emotion in your rhythmic thrusts

Just a rage which was full of lust,

Left alone on the threshold of your deceit

I forlornly watched you celebrate your feat.

The rain poured down upon my soul

But couldn’t cleanse this rotting hole,

It was left behind as a sign to see

What I allowed you to do to me.

The moonlight glimmered against my skin

And the waves drew up a sorrowful din,

Leaving behind your web of lies

I slowly bid your poisoned world goodbye.

Chaos

Everything races by so soon, it's difficult to keep track. Everything is trivialised due to the enormity of another situation.
It's all such a rush, things zoom in and out of perspective so fast that my head has become one crazy, bubbling, overflowing pot of random thoughts with no definite conclusion. As I write this, things flow in and out of my mind, unable to rest for while to allow me ruminate over the magnanimity of every situation which has hit me.
Broken hearts are such a cliche. Yet, the pain that stabs you is ineffable, inexplicable, unbearable. No matter how many hearts break every single day, the hurt that one experiences can never be something you get used to it.
The concept of new friends is so astonishing. When I was done with IB, it never struck me fully that this would indicate me going to an entirely new place, with entirely new people, and perhaps, have me start an entirely new life. Making friends has never been hard for me, nor has retaining them. However, despite the ease or the deftness at achieving any task, the fear that infiltrates you and floods every nerve in your body is something you can never rid yourself of. However, this college has been relatively easy on me, allowing me to make an ample amount of new friends who I actually truly love. And though I don't know much to talk about each of them, I'd just like to tell all of them - Romal, Anicca, Tejaswi, Natasha, Shruti, Shifa, Bhakti, Binita & Mallika - that they're really amazing and well, thank you for making the treacherous first two weeks of college so easy. I love you guys!
Somehow, there is only a select one person who I miss from DAIS - Sasha. I miss her, I miss our stupidity, I miss our French class chits, I miss getting excited around Kodkany with her, I miss taking pictures with her, I miss hugging her, I miss her stupid face, I miss meeting her everyday (thanks to our squeaky clean attendance), I miss cooing over Rojoa along with her, I miss stealing food from her and then complaining about her ability to be so thin, I miss bitching about everyone to her. And even though we talk ever so often, I still miss being with her all the time. I really do :(. If I could, I'd go back in time - all those 5 years - just for her. I love you, Sasha!

Strings

The sound of music
Enters my being
Enveloping me
Like an estranged lover,
Breathing life
Into my dying soul
Mesmerizing, Tantalizing,
Intoxicating the air I breathe.

Twirl,
Feel the rhythm,
Prance,
Feel the pulses,
Dance,
Let the music drown you.

Leave behind the world
Of lust, hatred and broken hearts,
Immerse yourself
Like a man in love,
Lose control of your being,
Merge into the music of your heart,
Listen to the sound of your music.

Could you rip me apart

And destroy the fragmented pieces

That remain?

Could you shatter my heart

And step upon

Those very pieces?

Could you batter my soul

And suck it dry

Of all life?

Yes, you could.

Yes, you would.